If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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