he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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