his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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