He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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