thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
