I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
