oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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