So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
