Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
