So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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