Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
