Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
