In the future we'll all be gay
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
