Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
