Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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