i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
