We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
