The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
