I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
