And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
