we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
