Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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