tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
