I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
