It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
