Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My dick has a subreddit
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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