my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
