Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
