It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
