I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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