Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
