I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
