Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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