I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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