Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
