pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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