I seem to have left my pride at pride
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
