clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
