worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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