god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
