Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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