I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Boobs speak an international language.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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