He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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