we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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