I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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