i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
