i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
