So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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