The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
