dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize