I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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