if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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