he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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