I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
