hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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