does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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