Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
