Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
