He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
