checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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