Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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