Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize