You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
