I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
