Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
